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This statement is concise, but it is neither specific nor arguable—a reader might wonder, "Which scholarly articles? Identifying similarities and differences is a good first step, but strong academic argument goes further, analyzing what those similarities and differences might mean or imply.
Notice in the revision that the field is now clear (ecology), and the language has been made much more field-specific ("conservation methods," "green organizations"), so the reader is able to see concretely the ideas the student is communicating.
This sample thesis statement makes a claim, but it is not a claim that will sustain extended discussion.
Use the guidelines below to learn the differences between thesis and purpose statements In the first stages of writing, thesis or purpose statements are usually rough or ill-formed and are useful primarily as planning tools.
A thesis statement or purpose statement will emerge as you think and write about a topic.
The student needs to come up with a more arguable claim, and probably a narrower one; remember that a short paper needs a more focused topic than a dissertation.
Better: Roderick's (2009) theory of participatory leadership is particularly appropriate to nurse educators working within the emergency medicine field, where students benefit most from collegial and kinesthetic learning.
This claim is the type of claim that might be appropriate for the conclusion of a paper, but in the beginning of the paper, the student is left with nowhere to go. If there are "always alternatives" to the problem the student is identifying, then why bother developing a paper around that claim?
Ideally, a thesis statement should be complex enough to explore over the length of the entire paper.
In the revised thesis, you can see the student make a specific, debatable claim that has the potential to generate several pages' worth of discussion.
When drafting a thesis statement, think about the questions your thesis statement will generate: What follow-up inquiries might a reader have?